Not all surfers are created equal

I went out surfing this morning—a very fun surf. It was 1–2 ft, 2–3 ft observed, poor to fair (my favorite), and barely anyone in the water at Venice Breakwater, California.

Breakwater can get crowded on good days, and it being Venice you might assume it’s highly localised by surfer dudes. But actually, because it’s a beach break, and we get a lot of tourists, surf schools, and first-time learners, the vibe is pretty chill.

Of course, the advanced surfers get pretty competitive at the outer bar peaks, but the beginners have plenty of space to spread out and enjoy the softer sections closer to the beach. Today, the vibe was immaculate.

️ No bad experiences (mostly)

Where am I going with this? I haven’t had a single bad experience at my local break.

For sure, a shortboarder ran through my beloved longboard, cutting it badly and not even noticing, but I was never offered any unhelpful advice or was told off for no reason. It usually was my fault.

Okay, maybe one time a school surf instructor thought, “You’d be more comfortable over there,” to make more room for his wee surf learners. But you can’t blame him much for wanting to keep the little nippers safe.

The post that lit a fire

I came back from my surf to a post in our Girls Who Can’t Surf Good group that was on fire. What this means is that it had a pretty big reach and everyone was commenting on it.

One of our members shared that she was feeling sad because she was ever so tired of the non-stop commentary from surf “bros” who are “oh so offended that I’m not learning faster,” and constant advice offering:

“You should go surf more.”
“You should use a bigger board.”
“You should pop up faster.”
“You should think less.”
“You should spread your feet more.”
“You should surf good.”

And so on.

All of this was occurring in a small tropical surf town where the OP was spending the last couple of months.

My first reaction—fuck’em

My first thought was to comment: fuck ‘em, just ignore it, surf your way.

That’s because I see a “surf bro” mentioned, and I immediately have an allergic reaction. It happens when you spend too much time on Reddit in the r/surfing sub.

The community largely shared frustration regarding unsolicited, often condescending advice—typically from men—toward women or beginner surfers. Because, of course, this kind of stuff has happened to most of us. We’re used to pretending to be deaf or responding, “Thank you, already have a coach.”

But there were a few comments I didn’t expect. Comments that indicated that some surfers learned to surf better because of unsolicited advice from other, more experienced surfers at their breaks.

It may have something to do with a generational split. Newer, younger women tend to describe unsolicited advice as demeaning or even triggering. Older ones from male-dominated environments interpret it as part of the culture—like boot camp.

Their idea of surfing also differs. It’s surfing as personal connection and joy vs. surfing as performance and hierarchy.

Surfing means different things

Maybe that’s the real problem: we keep pretending surfing has one shared definition. But it doesn’t.

Every surfer has their own idea of what surfing should be about. The surf bros want every break to be like a pro circuit stop. The beginners don’t know yet how serious this surfing business is going to get for them. Some women want to rip. Some women just want to commune with the ocean and be left alone.

Personally, I want everyone to be smiling in the lineup, because on most days it’s a pretty grim picture—so focused and stressed out. But this is my idea of surfing. I shouldn’t be able to impose it on anyone else.

The surfing culture has been male-dominated since its inception. This is not going to change any time soon.

There are both male dickheads and female bros in the lineup. Just like in life. The key is to find a way to deal with this reality and stay zen any time someone in the lineup opens their mouth.

‍ One last thing

I was going to end with this, but with everything that’s been happening in the world recently, you can’t discount the anger that we, as women, feel toward men. That feeling conditions us to respond with an “OMG, not again” even to the most well-meaning advice that comes from a good place, from a person who just doesn’t know yet that’s not the way it should be done.

Wait, one more thing. There are days when the Reddit r/surfing sub is an absolute cesspool—filled with vile posts attacking women and “oh I am so funny” snarky comments.

And there are better days when a beginner (whose question belongs in the r/BeginnerSurfers sub) gets a lot of really helpful advice from a bunch of crusties.

Not all surfers are created equal. It varies by day of the week.