Hey Zuz, I am confused. My family doesn’t want me to surf.

This is probably the hardest question we’ve ever had to answer in Hey Zuz, I’m Confused. What do you do when your family doesn’t want you to surf?

‍ Hey Zuz, I am confused. My family doesn’t want me to surf.

I’m 18 years old and I really want to learn to surf. No one in my family, none of my friends surf or do anything water-related, even though we live not that far from the beach. It’s just cultural stuff, I guess. I mentioned to my parents that I wanted to learn, and they basically forbade me from surfing. I can’t tell if it’s because they’re scared I’d drown, or just because it’s not the kind of thing we do. I still live at home, so it’s pretty difficult.

Dear reader!

This is a tough one. I almost didn’t want to take it on, because personally I don’t feel comfortable commenting on the cultural nuances of what people should or shouldn’t do. But I want to address it, so you don’t end up getting bad advice elsewhere—advice that could damage your relationship with your parents.

So don’t you dare go on Reddit and post this question, only to watch a stream of comments telling you to “Just do you.” Only you know how serious your parents are about not wanting you to surf, and what their reasons might be. And only you—once you’ve figured out why they feel this way—can start chipping away at their fears.

Let’s say it’s about safety. You could start by taking swim classes, learning surf etiquette, and showing them you’re preparing responsibly for your first lesson. Maybe they’re worried about the cost. You could explain how everything can be sourced second-hand for a fraction of the price.

Or maybe they have a certain image of surfers: bikini- and board-short-clad, bits hanging out, running around like extras from a music video. But if you Google it, you’ll find surfers from all sorts of backgrounds and religions—people who’ve figured out how to surf and honor their cultural or religious clothing requirements.

Even better, if you could find other surfers who share a similar cultural background, it might ease your parents’ concerns. It’s actually quite common to hear stories of surfers who only started later in life because it just wasn’t “a thing” in their community, or it was frowned upon when they were younger.

So yes, it might be a matter of waiting a couple more years—until you move out and have more independence.

And if all else fails, you’ll need to ask yourself the hardest question: is surfing worth creating a major rift with your family over? Before you even get to that point, it’s worth learning more about surfing before you try to learn to surf. What if, after all this palaver, you realize it’s not even for you? (I seriously doubt that, because it’s intoxicating—but still. Worth considering.)If I can leave you with one piece of good news: it’s been done before. There are surfers out there who’ve gone through the same thing. And if you do a bit of digging, you might find someone who’s figured out how to talk to their family about it—and maybe even changed a few minds.

Author: The Wipeout Weekly team